After a lifetime of yo-yo fad diets, come along with me as I find true food freedom and a holistic healthy lifestyle.
Okay, so this is the part I have been dreading - talking about my weight, health, and relationship with food. Being open about my weight is one of the most uncomfortable and frightening topics for me to open up about, and it has always been that way. In the past I have gotten defensive or shut down, spiraling into another crash diet or binge eating episode.
The heaviest I reached was my senior year of college where I was almost 280 lbs, I knew I did not want to enter the professional world feeling sluggish, exhausted and honestly, just not like myself. I said no more, and took control of my life and started experimenting with different diet plans that focused more on ingredients (whole 30, paleo, keto) and overall wellness than calories. Although the weight came off and I found myself building a better relationship with the way food made me feel, I felt like it was impossible to sustain a lifestyle that cuts out food groups all together. Also, wine, life should be celebrated with all of the wine!
Before I dive into my epiphany (hang on just a little longer, I promise i'm getting to the point!) I want to talk about where I have come from. Weight has been a topic of conversation in my life since I was 8 years old. I started putting on extra weight, and my parents were concerned. They did what I think what most parents would do and focused on changing my eating habits and moving my body more. Suddenly though, for me, food became "bad" - it became secretive and I was abusing it. It really was an addiction, and with genetics that didn't lend it self to slim figures, things got worse. In high school I got a personal trainer and tried Jenny Craig. I lost some weight, but again it wasn't sustainable. I went to college and honestly, I just wanted to be a normal college kid who wasn't obsessing about everything I ate or drank. After graduation, I saw how things really had gotten out of control, not only with my weight but all aspects of my life. I moved home after graduation and started graduate school where my mind started to shift. I started Whole 30, began working out regularly, and was feeling better than ever. Although I was feeling great, I could never quite figure out how to get past these major life events. You know? Weddings, holidays, vacations, the things that would shift my focus and get me right back to square one.
I dove into another round of Whole 30 in January of 2019, after a holiday season filled with over indulgence. I was working out harder than ever but the weight was not coming off. I work in higher education, and was chatting with one of my students who studies exercise science (who is probably the fittest person I know) about my concerns. Also, isn't it funny how much we learn from the people we should be guiding? She said to me, Leslie, you are working out hard, you should not be depriving your body from any food groups. We discussed macro nutrients and I began to learn the process of looking at the amount of protein, carbohydrates, fat, and sugar that was in my meals. I made adjustments, increased my calorie intake and added whole grains and more protein into my diet.
It was like magic! The weight started pouring off and for once in my life, I didn't feel like I was missing out. I was able to eat the rainbow and learn how to fuel my body, not deprive it. My husband and I headed for a two week vacation to Europe, I felt better than ever, we ate so much delicious food (and wine) and I kept my body moving! I did it - I made it through a vacation without binging or diving into bad habits as soon as we got home. I finally felt free!
It was just a little while after we returned home that we found out we were expecting our sweet baby girl, Marlie. I stuck to my same eating habits through the first half of my pregnancy (well, as best as I could, mamas, you know the deal!). I had only gained about 15 lbs until month 7. At the end of my pregnancy, the weight packed on, all to make our 8 lbs 6 oz baby girl, and every pound was worth it. At my first follow-up appointment I couldn't believe it, 265 lbs is what the scale said. After a momentary freak out and about a million pep talks from my amazing husband I did what all moms should do, I gave myself kindness and grace. Everyday is not easy, seeing a body I don't recognize in the mirror and feeling like I took so many steps back is a struggle. However, this time I did not crash diet and I did not binge eat, I have been staying the course and doing what I know works. Fueling my body with a holistic healthy lifestyle.
I am now almost 5 months postpartum. It is important to say that in no way shape or form do I think it is necessary or healthy for a new mom to focus on losing weight. I had to stop breastfeeding after a month due to low supply (I will post about our journey with formula in the future). Stopping breastfeeding along with a number of problems during my pregnancy with sciatica and overall body pain, fueled the necessity I left to focus on my health. I understand it is not right or appropriate for everyone, and there is no "right" way to go through postpartum (it is a wild ride!). I am now right under 235 lbs and am so excited to see what goals I can achieve next with these new mama superpowers. I will be sharing my progress once a month in hopes to share my story, some laughs, and some seriously delicious food along the way.
Buckle up, it's going to be one heck of a ride!